The Arse
The Arse
Wednesday 21st March 2012 8:00 PM
Referee: Lee 'Perry' Mason
Attendance: 30,330
Everton Team: Howard, Hibbert, Heitinga, Distin, Baines, Drenthe (Anichebe), Cahill (Stracqualursi), Osman (Gueye), Pienaar, Fellaini, Jelavic
Subs: Mucha, Jagielka, Neville, Gueye(77m), McFadden, Stracqualursi(85m), Anichebe(77m)
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Firstly, let's get this straight. This is Sausage doing the match report.

This needs to be pointed out in case of libel.

Before looking at the game, let's look at Moyesy. What has happened to him this week? Has he crawled under at stone somewhere? On his 10th Anniversary in charge, on a week when he needed to come out fighting, on a week when we could have beaten the shite away for the first time in his tenure and on a week when we should have been sat comfortably in the FA Cup semi's. Where is he?

All we have heard from is Steve Round. Steve Round! We never hear from him. Steve Round says this, Steve Round says that..............

We needed Moyesy to come out and apologise for the derby debacle. We needed Moyesy to come out and say despite being wrong against the shite and holding his hands up that we would beat Sunderland. Then there was last night! He did not drop 6 players last night but he may have well as after the first half performance!

The team sheet came up and we were all pretty pleased. If you were Captain Phil you were probably pretty cheesed off but most were happy with the starting eleven, we'll get on to the substitutions later. With Hibbo at right back it was the usual back four, Nuts came back in on the left, Royston on the right, Screech in the middle and we thought it would be Ossie alongside him with Timmy behind Jelly.

We were nearly right apart from Ossie and Timmy. Ossie tried to support Jelly from the off whilst Timmy played in midfield! He had a shocker.

Now we all know The Arse play pretty football. They are better than us at playing pretty football. They usually play to the edge of the box, it all looks pretty, then it breaks down. Not last night. They ripped us apart in the first half. We sat back and let them play. Looked up at the scoreboard towards the end of the half and two things we bewildering. Firstly, the score, how were we only 1 nil down? Secondly, two fouls committed by Everton, two fouls, TWO FUCKIN' FOULS. For fucks sake, this is The Arse. They can tear you apart unless you rattle them. You have to get stuck in and win the ball.

It was at around that point that the crowd took over Moyesy's job. We had had enough. The roar of exasperation got to the players in the last 10 mins and we started to believe rather than admire. Moyes in the meantime was spending plenty of the first half sat down in the dugout with his arms folded sulking.

Oh yes, The Arse scored from a corner in the 7th minute. Tim Howard rooted to his line as the cross came in and Verminsomething nodded unchallenged into the net.

The officials rightly got a mild roasting as they walked off at the break, if the ref was bad then the linesmen were awful. Rolls Roy had an equaliser disallowed for offside when it was clearly onside. However, booing the men in black was glossing over one of the worst first half performances of the season.


The crowd reaction must have got to Moyes and the team because the second half effort was in total contrast to the first half.

We got stuck in, played most of the 45 in The Arse's half, created a few half chances but in the end their goalie did not have a single save of note to make all game.

With Jelly up front on his own running his arse off and Everton creating nothing for him, he must be wondering where he has come to.

Pienaar and Royston were our creative outlets. For some reason our preference was to play down the left. Maybe because Sagna was booked early on? After his booking he had Nuts in his pocket for the rest of the game, if fact on a couple of occasions Peanuts nearly repeated his derby disasters. Twice in the derby he lost the ball and the shite scored. Luckily, last night, The Arse were not as clinical. Pienaar did not have a good game.

Then there was Timmy, wandering around in midfield, hacking people down as the swift passing of The Arse was bamboozling him. Why was he not upfront supporting Jelly? Only Moyes knows. Tim was lucky to stay on the pitch as he hacked away, got stuck in yes, when he could catch his opponent! He was booked and eventually and belatedly got the curly finger.

Moyesy made a double substitution. It is his new tactic. He made a triple against the shite! He brought Maggie and Big Vic on for Royston and Ossie. He took the only player who was going to create anything off plus our potential match winner off. Unbelievable. The game was over at this point after 78 mins. Eventually he subbed Timmy for The Count.

We roared at the ref, we roared at the officials and we booed them off the pitch but at the end of the day we never looked like scoring despite a much improved second half. Royston came closest with a half volley from the edge of the box which flew just over and into Gwladys Street. Their goalie went off with a clean pair of gloves and picked up the easiest weeks wages he will have in a long time.

Blue Kipper star Man would be between Johnny and Bainsey, it had to be a defender and it goes to Johnny as he put his body on the line and also got the crowd going.

A shit night/week was lightened slightly as we trudged out of the ground to hear that the shite had lost. That could not cover up one of the worst weeks in Moyesy's managerial career.




Comments about Match Report
What happened was that for the first 20 mins Ossie man marked Mikel. This clearly didn't work. We stopped this and our midfield immediately looked better balanced and the game was from then on fairly equal, and with better officials things may well have been different.It was a tactical ploy that didn't work.
Tim, Cheshire, 10:13 AM 23/03/2012
Has anyone noticed that the downturn in fortunes has come on the heels of Landon's departure?
JFKSDBLUE, SAN DIEGO, 11:57 PM 22/03/2012
The mood does change with a few poor results ,this is fact.However until we have a change in direction at board level we will keep getting much of the same.David Moyes is no miracle worker until we get proper stewardship expect a few good results followed with poor results.
bluenoseronnie, londonderry, 9:30 PM 22/03/2012
Moyes must go! Yes you read it right, the guy who has pulled my beloved Blues out of annual relegation fight to a consistent top 8 team with little or no money must go! I was a season ticket holder through the Smith years and then early Moyes years before moving to Oz, I now watch all the games on the TV and although I miss the atmosphere I think that watching from afar has given me a different perspective and without doubt it is time for a change. Moyes is a very good manager, but with the Squad we have I think that a fresh pair of eyes would do wonders, surely this team can play attractive attacking football, the squad is littered with internationals. I cant take this 4-5-1 anymore! Are all the management/coaching staff ex defenders!? Shit I am starting to waffle. Anyways, I love Moyes and he will always be an Everton hero this is not in doubt, but I love Everton more; it is time for a change!
Previous ST Holder, Sydney, 9:22 PM 22/03/2012
Arsenal taught us a lesson the first 20. All movement, positivity, quick and clever balls. We were all over the place and did not get into 1st gear. No organisation, no skill and worse of all no fight for those 20 mins. Yes the officials had a nightmare but we didn't make the 2nd half dominance count. That was our best team and two of them, three if you count the subs, are loans. We need to sign them or buy better somehow to at least stay level for next year, god forbid. Sort it out Bill and Moysey quicko. We also need to find some craft from somewhere to give us another option of attack as Jelly was waiting for some through balls to no avail.
Az, Wavo, 9:06 PM 22/03/2012
Complaints about losing ? yes The Arse were like Barca for 20 minutes, and then ? we dug in and were the better side for the rest of the match, only the idiot with the flag denied us the draw which we deserved on the balance of play, of course we need to score goals but we are looking better upfront, the goals will come.It also showed the benefit of playing Fellaini in a forward role like he plays for Belgium, changed the pattern of the game. I thought we showed alot of character against a team who have had some great recent results, we didnt wilt and give in, hell it was only 1-0, if we apply ourselves like this and do the same at Sunderland, then soon we will be knocking the "Dark Side" out of the cup Onwards and upwards the Blues
LES, PHUKET, 8:03 PM 22/03/2012
Only a few of this team seem to have any drive left at this stage of the season. Saying what the supporters want to hear to the press is not the same as doing it on the pitch. I have decided to take a leaf out of the majority of our squad and give up on this season. I just cannot get over how we just surrendered the match to Liverpool when a win was within our grasp as results against Liverpool by other clubs have shown lately. We lacked courage a thing in the past we never suffered from.
Mike, Warrington, 5:20 PM 22/03/2012
When we play Arse I really don't care about the game. We can just play in all-white, surrender before kick-off, give them 3-0 walkover and spare fans at least 2 humiliations per season. We should have been 0:5 inside opening 12 minutes. When you bet on Arse at Goodison to win you have to bet shit load of cash to get anything worthwhile in return. That really tells the whole story about our record vs Arsenull. OK, Evertonians never scream about winning everything in world football (like some red riff-raff we know), every single season. What we expect is at least decent campaign without fireworks. We don't have 10 Zidanes or Messis in the squad, supporters understand that - don't worry about that. Just don't capitulate week or 2 in advance when you see shite, Arse or might Sunderland... This message is addressed mostly to the Staff. Players always suffer when results are not good enough. Fact is that negativity & defeatism is channeled from the Staff down to the Players, not vice versa. That really hurt the most.
Michal, Poland, 3:49 PM 22/03/2012
It can all be traced back to the debacle against Liverpool where Moyes screwed it up big time, not only with the fans but also I suspect with the players . We all wanted to get at Liverpool except Moyes who gave up even before we started. He says he gives youth a chance but he doesn't, we are crying out for someone who can pick a pass out and till the day I die, Cahill, Fellaini, Rodwell and co aren't capable of creation - maybe he's only 18 but at least give Barkley a go.
Mike, South Coast, 2:34 PM 22/03/2012
P.S. Drenthe is a loose cannon and liability- sign him but only play him for the last 20 minutes
Graham, Kirkby, 12:43 PM 22/03/2012
Is it not Moyes' job to make sure the team come out fired up?! We were simply not at the races in the first half, with Moyes sat in the dugout sulking as usual. Only a matter of time before Jelavic goes the same way as all the other forwards Moyes has ruined with his insistant 1 up front tactics. Also...why on earth do we pull every single man back for corners, and half the time still don't manage to put men on the posts?! We hoof the ball clear, and it just comes straight back every time. So predicatable, so poor, so boring. Defend, defend, defend. I reckon Mr Rogers from Swansea would be a decent manager, with Reidy as his assistant.
Sam , Cheshire, 12:33 PM 22/03/2012
First of all lets take your opening statment Firstly, let's get this straight. This is Sausage doing the match report. This needs to be pointed out in case of libel. Question why are you called Sausage ??? i would have thought !! I knock everton . com !! was more appropriate or maybe i'm a Blue Union lover or worst of all Phil Thompson because you sound just like him you do write some shite
The Barrow Boys, Barrow-in-Furness, 12:12 PM 22/03/2012
This is moyes all over doing well on a decent run of form then he rests 6 players for the derby we havent looked like winning since i have regularly questioned moyes,s ability and rightly so his tactics are awful and his substitutions are even worse. we need a decent right winger and a decent centre mid we have missed gibson and donavon badly but the same old players just arent cutting it but i mainly blame moyes,s management and negative outlook we could have pushed on but the derby defeat has put us into a downward spiral just hope if we get through in the cup we play our strongest team
bill k, bullens rd, 12:07 PM 22/03/2012
If the manager isn't arsed anymore what message does that send out to the players? Exactly what we have been seeing recently. Team just can't be arsed playing for Moyes anymore....and I can't be arsed watching them not play anymore.
Tony, Was L3...., 11:33 AM 22/03/2012
Maybe the only trophy we are going to win is the fine play one and thats Moyes ploy.
MIKE, FRODSHAM, 10:31 AM 22/03/2012
What is it with the officials at Goodison this season but lets face it even with a good goal ruled out we simply didnt do enough and was lucky not to leak 4 goals.Amazing how the mood has changed this last week and wouldnt be surprised to see us drop like a stone and finish the season in 15th place.
Paul, Aigburth, 10:14 AM 22/03/2012
Absolute shite! Our football is so predictable and pedestrian its untrue. Arsenal should have been out of sight by 20 mins we were lucky. Yes you could argue we were very unlucky with Drenthes goal but lets face it what did we create? Absolutley nothing. That miserable bastard ended our season on the 13th of march with that diabolical team selection over there. Even this early on in his career i feel sorry for Jelavic. He's going to have to feed off the merest of scraps because we create nothing. What is it with Moyes and strikers? Also its time to give Barkley a go now. Use him in a more advanced role through the middle as much as Cahill has been a great servant its painful to watch him now he contributes fuck all. Since Gibson has been out Fellainis gone missing so for me he cant come back quick enough. I was confident about the Sunderland replay but now dont know because i cant see where the goals are coming from [pens anyone] and lets face it David doesnt do attacking does he?
Andy, Huyton , 9:49 AM 22/03/2012
Agree with your article. If voices are not raised then no change will come. Our club has to recieve investment before the beginning of next season, either Bill has to sell or find a good mate with a big wedge because I'm sorry but the players we have now (apart from a couple of defenders) are just not good/talented enough to compete at the top. Give me a player in the middle of the park with an excellent pass and vision anyday than a player who 'covers every blade of grass'... talent and skill will always win in the end but unfortunately in todays game if you can't bring such players through the ranks, they cost money. It's all very nice to say 'look what we are acheiving without spending money' but I have to be honest, I would rather see a mega rich sheik come and take us on and conquer europe...prob getting a few more haters in the process than be proud of our mid table mediocre team with not much hope of winning silverware in the foreseeable future. Ok that's my two bobs worth.
AmsterdamBlue, Netherlands, 9:45 AM 22/03/2012
This season is the worst I can remember for a good few years. Crumbling team, crumbling ground, no money, disgruntled support. Can we just finish the season now and start again next season, as we clearly ain't going to do anything now after Sunderland beat us. Dreadful, dreadful season.
Mark, Bucks, 9:13 AM 22/03/2012
What have we done to the match officials? it's getting beyond a joke now.
Stef , Old Swan., 10:42 PM 21/03/2012
Okay...well beaten in the end by a better side We are at a crossroads Carry on and accept that we will win the Championship at some stage in the next five years; a trophy, at least Or plan for the future with Youth (Barkley, Velios et al) and dream about 1984/85/86/87 all over again P.S. Drenthe is a must! Sign him
PW, Ormskirk, 10:22 PM 21/03/2012
It's got to be a bloody conspiracy against us. Drenthe was a good few yards onside when he scored. It wasnt even close. and I'd of said starman was either Cahill or Johnny.
Stevo, Liverpool, 10:09 PM 21/03/2012
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