Mickey Blue Eyes...
Everton's Transfer Window
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KLUTZ OF GUNSELS MONTH (2 of 2, then ad infinitum...)


Mickey Blue Eyes


Thank gawd the second dollop of 2011 "transfer window" excreta has disappeared down the toilet. Occasionally this kind of thing can be quite comical, like watching a gaggle of Les Dawsons do a joint impression of owl women shawlies jangling in the back jigger; more usually it is hysterical middle-aged, rumour-mongering, conspiracy-theorising bubble heads trying to impress anybody unfortunate enough to be in audio video range. Personally, I blame their parents and bad potty training. Dumping a full pot on their heads would make for a reasonable start, as it would on the media clerks who help whip up this frantic bullshit. You simply can't parody the dreary I-heard-it-first bollocks, so I won't even try, anymore than I would attempt conversation with a whining drunk who never goes the game but has a big mouth to go with big trousers and an empty head. How grown (sic) men can behave thus is a mystery to me, presumably to their counsellors too. Maybe it's time to kick off and close every transfer window with, "Andy Pandy's coming to play, tra-la-lal-la-la-laaa." Media information clerks must be laughing behind their word processors at the suckers who fall for all this utter nonsense.


Anyway, after all the tripe settled the sum total for our beloved Royal Blues was: incoming - 2, Dutch midfielder Royston Drenthe from Real Madrid and Argentine striker Denis Stracqualursi from Tigre, both on season long loans and due to provide severe problems for terrace lyricists; outgoing - 3, The Yak to Blackburn Rovers, Becks to Leicester City and Mikky to Arsenal.


I don't bother these days following details of foreign players so I can't comment on the newcomers abilities or faults. One presumes Moyesy has done all the necessary. Like everybody else I will have to wait and see how they perform and what it does to team balance. As for outgoing, The Yak has long been well below par and, sadly, won't really be missed, Becks has been iffy despite ten goals, and Mikky hasn't been on top of his game since injury in 2009. All in all, not unexpected - in fact I expected Mikky to go to Spain much earlier - but leaving us a little short. No surprises for anybody with common sense and the ability to understand basic arithmetic on a balance sheet. As long forecast, football's financial system has reached its inevitable limits. From here on in, minor fluctuations aside, remaining delusions will have to go, including absurd expectations that money grows on trees and that if it did it would solve all football problems. Now the younger players have to step up and show they have what it takes. Only time will tell, but I doubt they will get a better if daunting opportunity in their playing careers. Moyesy too will have to weave some more managerial magic. Interestingly, he is often at his best when choices narrow. Some people are like under pressure. Others merely deteriorate into hysterical mush.


Defence is reasonably solid so we shouldn't have much problem there unless they are as exposed by an AWOL midfield as they were against Blackburn. Likely most of the future will rotate around the centre midfield pairing of Marouane Fellaini and Jack Rodwell and whether they can divest themselves of the maddening across-the-field safe stuff. If so, Felli will have to tighten up on playing discipline if he's to help out the younger players, and Jack is going to have to complete his development awfully quickly now. We shouldn't expect too much from Ross Barkley, not unless he can maintain his impressive couple of games. The only thing we can do upfront is wait and see what affect the new signings have on Vic and Vellios. Your guess is as good as mine or anybody else's.


A final word on Mikel Arteta, arguably our finest player of the last decade. Nobody can accuse the man of disloyalty. He owes us nothing and we owe him nothing. If anything, we came out of it millions ahead in the financial side, while he actually took a pay cut to move for a crack at the so-called Champions League. He was with us for six years, a long time in professional football. We watched him develop his game from winger to centre midfield, a position he always said he preferred. I was one of those who thought him too slight for the rôle but I was wrong by some distance. Once he made the switch and adjusted he produced some wonderful displays. This period of his game lasted about nine months and ended with a dreadful injury at Newcastle in 2009, a blow that kept him out of the Cup Final. There's no doubt in my mind we stood a very good chance of winning that game had he and Phil Jagielka been fit to play. Alas, the cruelties of football life. You don't get many second chances. But he was never the same after the injury, though he always oozed the kind of class you can't coach into anybody: you've either got it or you haven't. I still can't understand how his abilities at free kicks and corners declined so precipitately, though I hope they now get a new lease of life. My abiding memory of him will always be that famous and glorious goal in the second leg of our European tie against Fiorentina. In the end I think that is the Mikky most of us will remember.


So football time moves on dispassionately, as it always does. Shape up or ship out. If you're a shipper, here's a pair of roller skates - and be quick about it before the whole circus kicks off again in January and the Klutz of Gunsels reappear for their umpteenth tedious rehearsal.







Comments about Everton's Transfer Window
I have to say that Klutz of Gunsels jibe always has me pissing myself even when I don't agree with some of the points in MBE's articles. Those pictures are priceless :-)
Tony, Stoneycroft, 12:09 PM 4/09/2011
Now the dust has settled as usual, I think we came out of it about even when you take everything into account, team, finances, the lot. I think it's about as much as we can hope for in the circs.
Spectator, Crosby, 10:25 AM 3/09/2011
Like most sound-minded followers of the game I heaved a huge sigh of relief when the clock finally struck 11.00pm..Hallelujah the merry-go-round is over until New Year!!..Now Mikel was good for us no doubt, but he faded over recent years so I believe the bit of business we did will prove positive..Dead wood gone and fresh blood in all makes sense to me..COYB!!
Big H, Birkenhead, 6:45 PM 2/09/2011
Mikky was a good servant to the club but he's gone so we carry on. We may have got the best out of him, but I'd be made up if he slotted at Analfield for the Arse. Drenthe is supposed to be ok, as is the Agentine, but time will tell. Players come in, players go out, but the club and we fans remain.
GD, Llangollen, 6:01 PM 2/09/2011
Mikel has been a fantastic servant to our club. Since the Newcastle injury he has been right off the boil though. Very good business. I'm very sceptical about just how much of this 10 mil (plus other transfer amounts) will go toward transfers in the Xmas window. I see it as, people know we are on the bones of our arse. Things could have been a lot worse for us. Let's look to the future now. Just read an article on Denis ( link below). Could be the new Big Dunc.....then again.
Jacko, London, 4:53 PM 2/09/2011
Nicely put MBE - still not sure about the big argie, but we needed someone and if drenthe can deliver the service to him then we are in business - just hope we don't end up playing hoofball to him instead of playing it down the wings.
Sack the Juggler, Blue heaven... or is it hell?, 4:02 PM 2/09/2011
Agree with Richy on Pienaar. He has disappeared into oblivion since his move. Granted, he has been injured, but once he gets fit is he likely to be first pick in the Spurs team? Don't think so.
Gordon, Perth, Scotland, 3:43 PM 2/09/2011
MBE, echo your thoughts about our tater. He was a good player and servant to Everton but hasn't produced his natural ability for 2 years. Maybe he needed a change to find that class again. Maybe we needed a change to find our class again. Anyway, he'll always get a good reception when he comes to the Old Lady. Good luck our spud.
CrumlinT, Co Antrim, 3:33 PM 2/09/2011
I also agree with the comments you have made. Now is the time for the rest of the team to pull their socks up and dig deep. Back in the 80s Howard Kendall didn't spend big to take us to the top.
Wayne Doyle, Kirkby, 3:29 PM 2/09/2011
Now I know Bendtner is not the best striker in the world even if he thinks he is. However, he would have been very good for us. When I first heard about a potential swap between 23 year old Bendtner and 29 year old Arteta I was wondering how much cash we'd have to send with Mikkey to make the deal happen. When I heard Arsenal wanted to send Bendtner with a case full of millions I nearly fell off my seat. We all love Mikkey and alongside the Blue Kangaroo, he's been awesome for us. But, at 29 an looking half the player he was, I think Arsenal will soon regret giving us ten mill for a one-time great who will be warming the bench after Xmas. I wish him all the best, however I dont think we'll miss him on the pitch. We still have the memories. The main sports websites are saying how livid the Everton fans are with the result of the transfer window. I beg to differ. If someone had offered me, at the start of the deadline day, £15 mill for Becks, Yak & Our Tater, with an excellent dutch left winger/full back and a punt for a 6ft 6" Argentinian striker on loan I'd have bitten their hand off. I genuinely feel we're no worse off on the pitch with a third of our debt wiped off overnight. Becks and Yak won't be missed and we've got at least 2 excellent midfielders for every midfield position: Osman, Barkley, Coleman, Billy, Drenthe, Cahill, Rodders, Felli, Jonny etc. Onwards & sideways!
Barry, Cheshire, 3:15 PM 2/09/2011
I Agree with most of what you have written here...A couple of points about Arteta, Yes we loved him, but there are a couple of things we should know here that maybe hasnt come up, he signed a new contract for us and I think the deal was if 1 of the top 4 clubs in Europe came in for him he could go...that way Everton FC would actually recoup the money and faith spent on him, So he owes us nothing...But he said the timing was right to go, he leaves Everton at a time when we have a new winger and striker, and he goes to Arsenal when they get rid of 3 of their best players, and to take a huge pay cut... deja vu Peanuts! GOOD LUCK MIKAEL YOU WILL NEED IT NOW!
Richy Styles, Kirkdale, 2:42 PM 2/09/2011
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