APR
03
2011
Mickey Blue Eyes...
I'VE NEVER MET A NICE ASTON VILLA
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I'VE NEVER MET A NICE ASTON VILLA

By

Mickey Blue Eyes

 

Footy apart, the 1980s was the most wretched of decades. Typically, the stiff-faced hypocritical neo con harridan who helped oversee it all found tears for her own redundancy but not for the millions she supervised into poverty.  The same applies to every political leader we have had since. But one of the few cultural gains of the era was a short-lived satirical TV programme named Spitting Image. A slogan to come out of it and stick was, "I've never met a nice South African," a phrase I think of every time we play Aston Villa. It's difficult to avoid the notion that everything about the Brummy club is repellent, most of all the notorious crackpot worst of their fans. In Martin O'Neill's last season as manager there it took just forty five minutes for them to start booing their own team. No wonder he got off as sharpish as every other manager they've had. And too many of their shaved head players somehow always manage to look and play like thugs. As for sour faced Ashley Young...........words fail. The aggregate impression is of a football club you wouldn't want near your dog, never mind your community.

 

All of which meant I wasn't really looking forward to Saturday's match, especially with half our team missing through injury. In the circumstances the side almost picked itself. If you could walk and wear footy boots you were in. Even Bily and John Heitinga got on the pitch. The bench was full of untried kids. I feared the worst. As it turned out Villa and their fans lived down to their reputation. The match was an often bizarre spectacle of tacky "tackling," sharp movement and uncertain excitement. That said, irritatingly, the result was about right. But we should have won, the story of many other games this season.

 

The opening phase of play was slightly to our advantage without, as usual, us looking much of a threat. What quickly became obvious was that Leon was up for the game and seemingly determined to compensate for missing Mikky, Fellaini and Cahill. It was equally apparent why the Brummies find themselves complying with the standard Scouse interpretation of the opposition, "Deezr shite deez ar." They were indeed. Still, we couldn't break them down. I wondered if we would fade as the match wore on, or whether we would get one of Dunney's Famous Howlers. Neither transpired.

 

After ten minutes Beckford was put clean through left side penalty area one-on-one with time to take another pace forward. But he decided to shoot immediately because his first touch isn't, shall we say, of the best. Usually, if they go in they look spectacular, or they soar wide. This one got saved. Our other highlight was a break through right side that ended with the ball ricocheting off a post, but it was offside anyway. Meanwhile, Tony Hibbert saved a certain goal when he threw himself in front of a close range shot. Alas, midway through the half the Inevitable Villa appeared and they started kicking everything that moved; naturally, but stupidly, we retaliated and the game began to disappear in a swamp of free kicks relieved only by a flurry of corners to them. Naturally too it was the retaliators who suffered - Jags and Heitinga got booked. All of which is why I really should never bother watching matches against these boot boys. It merely interferes with my digestive tract.

 

About ten minutes before half time I had just finished saying to Plewsy, "Christ, how desperate are we.....a front two of Becks and Leon Osman," when Bily - Bily! - won a tussle on the half way line wide left and stuck a pass through to Leon same side and closing at an angle into the penalty area. He just ran right through what passed for the Villa "defence" and from the corner of the goal area slotted it under baldy Brad. Simple as. It was no more than we deserved.

 

In accordance with our Curse of Half Time the enemy equalised two minutes after the restart. The ball got wide right to where Bainsey or Bily should have been marking their man, but weren't, and he had a clear run into the box, pulled it back to right of the penalty spot where Distin or Jags should have been, but weren't, and it got side footed in by Bent. Also simple as. You could have screamed. All this season we've hardly had time to relish any gains we make. No wonder everyone gets frustrated.

 

Cue a sub, Magaye Gueye - a racing certainty "Maggie" - on the right for Seamus. It was a good move because he took on their left side defence and kept them occupied by the kind of close control dribbles speed merchant Seamus can't do. For a while it changed the balance of the match as the Brummies tried to adjust their game to suit. But Maggie did more than enough to get another chance, perhaps a full run out next time.

 

Then a seminal moment with twenty minutes left. A move down our right led to Maggie playing an angled ball to the right of the D to Becks and he hit a tremendous first time shot from the edge of the box. It hit the underside of the bar, bounced down and out. Straight away we let in yet another stupid goal thanks to a mix up between Distin and Tim. A long punt upfield by their follicly challenged Yank got to left side midway in our half, headed up in the air, lobbed forward left side edge of the box, and with Buzz and Tim waiting for each other, Bent had a simple job to knock it home. After which, his behaviour showed he has bought wholly into the Ugly Villa Club Syndrome. They really are a horrible, horrible crew.

 

But the game wasn't over. Despite our fractious season we know this squad have always got a chance even when they go behind. Sure enough, with just under ten minutes left an unco-ordinated attack down our right saw Jags get into their penalty area, right corner and he was felled. Penalty. Seen them given, seen them not. But this was Villa and frankly I couldn't give a shit if it was or it wasn't so long as, to coin yet another Scouse phrase, "It werked it up dem." Bainsey's trusty left foot banged it home where Friedel had been standing and it went to 2-2. Where it stayed when Leon missed a sitter with minutes left.

 

All in all, it would be a great service to the sport if Aston Villa get relegated. They wouldn't be missed and the game would have a slightly healthier air about it. In short, if they go down - unlikely of course - good riddance.

 

 

Comments about I'VE NEVER MET A NICE ASTON VILLA
31
I love Everton and want them to beat absolutely everybody but your post doesn't reflect my experience of Villa fans. Most of them I have met over the years have been alright, not hostile to ourselves, preferring Everton to the Red Shite. I know 2 lads from Portadown up in Ulster who are decent blokes. Would rather see the likes of Stoke, Wigan go down. Although if I had a choice between Villa going down and West Ham I would want the Cockneys to survive.
Henry, Dublin, 4:59 PM 7/04/2011
30
Mike from Liverpool, you've just won the prize for the most ridiculous thing I've read on here. You want Darren Bent banned for two games? What for?! How utterly ludicrous! Presumably you wanted Tim Cahill to be banned for celebrating scoring in front of the Holte End last season? And Lescott for running over to the Villa fans after his late equaliser before Ashley Young's moment of magic the season before? Wanting a player banned for a perfectly ordinary goal celebration... Jesus wept.
Tom Parker, Birmingham, 3:47 PM 7/04/2011
29
Entertaining as ever Mick, though this time I disagree with your opinion. Its worth delaying an answer just to see some of the responses, too funny for words. If you carry on like this MBE you'll give that Jimmy Threadneedle from Bootle BNP ('Andrew Osnard Panama City') a heart attack. He's started spitting foam and tacks now :o). Keep it up. I'm still laughing at the Summer Twats article :o)
Spectator, Crosby, 3:28 PM 7/04/2011
28
I remember that Spittin Image programme. I've never met a nice South African or Villa fan either. Never met a Geordie who wasn't deluded either.
Andy Tenant, Bootle, 1:46 PM 7/04/2011
27
Sorry MBE , usually like your stuff but have to say this isnt the best advert for our marvellous club. I went to the match with my 7 year old lad. The Villa fans were great from the word `go` in shaking his hand in Mc Donalds through to 3 of them playing an impromptu game of footy in Stanley park going back to the car. Away supporters mingling and being friendly ? Yeh, good example for a 7 year old to see how footy should be enjoyed without bigotry and unneccessary hatred. Incidentally, they all agreed Becks` goal `was valid. Compare their so called thuggery with Rooney`s celebrations. I know which I think is a bad example and real thuggery. COYB
John, Bury, 1:30 PM 7/04/2011
26
Never have thought much of Aston Villa, just one weird club. I can think of worse though, like the redshite. I couldn't care less whether they get relegated or not but I hope that Ashley Young gets relegated. Can't stand him.
Ste Philips, Litherland, 1:28 PM 7/04/2011
25
What a load of narrow minded self rightous crap. Seriously i didnt know wether to laugh or blush at being a blue for reading this. Skin head thugs? thats right cos all everton players have short back and sides!! Play like thugs?! come on weve had players who like to put it about a bit, as much as i loved big dunc cos i actually thought he was a better player than people gave him credit for, the guy went to prison for headbutting some one! Like i say hes my hero , but thats the very definitoin of thuggary. rooney was out in whore houses when he was a blue. I used to follow blues home AND away, i stoped going away cos of the little north face clad scum that draged everton down. Incidentally most of them sported skin heads! I remember beein at bolton last season and it was shameful. I dont particularly like aston Villa, but i dont hate them,but this is just bile. Im in the navy and meet a lot of people from all over the country and they generally respect everton, certinaly over liverpool, but this just makes us look like a load of bitter twisted a***holes. I also learned along time ago not to mock or wish relegation on any club cos weve been close to the edge ourselves and even cheated it once. seriously get over youself MBE! Very Very poor Bluekipper.
James, Merseyside, 12:31 AM 7/04/2011
24
Tom Parker, pay no heed to this arrogant, bitter fool. He's a total embarrassment to all Evertonians and to the otherwise excellent Bluekipper site. His rant against the Villa was as tiredly predictable as all his others whenever we play a team from the midlands. Yeah MBE, you hate everyone from the midlands, we got that message years ago CHANGE THE TUNE. You're boring. The only people who agree with his sweeping generalisations are his flock of sheep. Ignore them all. I look forward to the most played fixture in English football continuing for a long time to come.
Andrew Osnard, Panama City, 11:23 PM 6/04/2011
23
I was brought up in the midlands and felt like the only bluenose within 100 miles - to this day I have not met a Villa fan I like. FACT. I may just have been unlucky - I'm sure Nigel Kennedy is a cracking bloke!
Sparky, Maidstone, 10:57 PM 6/04/2011
22
Nice one Tom Parker. Thought it was just me that thinks MBE talks utter horlicks. Sad man really has got issues. When he's not berating Evertonians he's fondly reminiscing about Hitler, Margaret Thatcher or, as this week, anyone but Everton Football Club. Unfortunately, this cretin is unlikely to grow out of it. Eddieparkend COYB
eddieparkend, Real World, 6:48 PM 6/04/2011
21
Couldn't agree more. Most obnoxious, self important team in the league. I don't know how Young hasn't broken someone's leg yet. Warnock and Luke Young (although thankfully the former has now vanished) are the definition of yard dogs. And Darren Bent- I want him banned for two games for the celebration for not upholding the RESPECT campaign and setting a bad example to kids......
Mike, Liverpool, 5:17 PM 6/04/2011
20
Your latest rant smacks a bit of double standards MBE...No-one who buys a ticket to watch Everton is - according to you - entitled to have their say about our own club without feeling your mighty and furious wrath descend upon them from a great height, yet here you are having a dig at another team and their fans, albeit in a thinly disguised match report...Maybe you should practice what you preach and keep your moronic opinions to yourself...
Big H, Birkenhead, 4:18 PM 6/04/2011
19
If the Aston Villa fans are 'normal' so is the Yorkshire Ripper and Oolier will confim it.
Psychiatrist, Broadmoor, 10:36 AM 6/04/2011
18
Could you give some actual examples of the trollish, crackpot, disgust-inducing behaviour that is any different from any other group of fans? You are correct about the singing; you still got your two songs then? On the note of "facts" our average gates are higher but don't let that get in the way of a good rant. Looks like we need to apologise for 1977 even though we all got on pretty well for 6 hours then...
AdeG, Black Country, 8:14 AM 6/04/2011
17
You're right Tom Parker. What a totally stupid article. I've enjoyed the Everton/Villa battle for the last uefa spot over the past years and the really good games they've produced. I was at Villa Park for the 3-3 a couple of years ago and sat (quietly) in the Villa end and the fans are just normal fans.
2010/2011, Canada, 2:54 AM 6/04/2011
16
Been saying that about Villa fans for years. Spot on.
Billy Bump, Huyton, 11:20 PM 5/04/2011
15
Tom I wouldnt listen to him -hes full of shit and has been for years. A miserable, typewriting, pompous prick of the highest order. In fact he often calls Everton fans gobshites etc. Actually I only look at his articles these days to read/post comments suggest that.. MBE should be retired!!!
paul, liverpool, 10:16 PM 5/04/2011
14
Yet more lumps of MBE cheese !!!!!!!!
Steve, Wirral, 10:14 PM 5/04/2011
13
First time I've agreed with the Willychewer - Villa fans are truly noxious. Our issues with them go back to the 3 League Cup final games in '77.
Dave/R, Blackburn, 1:17 PM 5/04/2011
12
I think Wigan should go down. There fans have no passion and are as fickle as they come when they are on a bad run. They only just fill half the stadium. But then again what you expect with a city that's no1 sport is rugby. But there are much worse fans than Villa though.
Lou, St Helens, 11:39 AM 5/04/2011
11
What an utterly bizarre match report. Your description certainly doesn't fit with the Aston Villa I know, nor with the reputation we have across the country as being a perfectly decent set of fans. Of course, we have our fair share of idiots, as does any club. In fact, a handful of Everton fans have been responsible for some of the worst, racist behaviour I've ever seen in 20 years of watching my club, but I put it down to just that - idiot individuals rather than a damning indictment of Everton Football Club. As for this assertion: "The aggregate impression is of a football club you wouldn't want near your dog, never mind your community." Words fail me. They really do. We remain the only club in the Premier League to have ever forfeited a shirt sponsorship in order to promote a children's charity, the club demonstrates a healthy respect for its tradition and heritage, and contributes to a whole host of investment and social inclusion projects in the local community. Indeed, one of our 'shaven headed thugs', Gabriel Agbonlahor, recently made a personal donation (i.e. from his own pocket), which is believed to amount to almost a million pounds. The bastard! All in all, this article is imbalanced, bitter, and wholly lacking in any credit whatsoever. I would expect far more from a website like Bluekipper. Incidentally, our 'crackpot' fans offered warm applause for the on-pitch presentation relating to your charitable efforts on Saturday, funny how you have neglected to mention that.
Tom Parker, Birmingham, 10:11 AM 5/04/2011
10
However odious Villa supporters are, and they are, they are not number one in the league of gobshittery that dubious title must go to our erstwhile neighbours. Here is my by top 5 gobshite league. 1. The shite (obviously) 2. Newcastle (real beauts) 3. Manure. (Still horrible after all these years) 4. Villa. (Vying with manure for that top 3 slot) 5. Man City (Want to be manure. Must try harder)
Matty Williams, Wirral, 9:07 AM 5/04/2011
9
I know a couple of Villla fans out here and they are sound. Strange accent mind, but proper fans. Whenever i have been down their ground they have been friendly enough in the alehouse beforehand. A few of us ended up staying till closing time in one of their boozers back in 1980 after the W Ham semi and had a great night with them, though our driver was as sozzled as any of us. God knows how we made it home safely - if I drank like that now I'd be dead.
Pablo, Beijing, 7:04 AM 5/04/2011
8
Bullshit! They're no worse than any other club/fans and a sight better than many others imo
Leon78, Adelaide, 4:08 AM 5/04/2011
7
Kept a close eye on the Villa fans on Saturday. Throwing coins to hit kids in our section.
Parkender, Huyton, 8:30 PM 4/04/2011
6
Totally agree. Hate Villa with a passion. Would be great if they went down. Me dad has hated them since they beat us in the league cup final replay. Horrible team, horrible fans, horrible manager and a twat of an a assistant manager.
Rob, Liverpool, 6:29 PM 4/04/2011
5
I sit in line with the edge of the Park End penalty area so had a great view of the Beckford 'goal'. Definitely over the line, but then we all know that now anyway.. As I think Moyes pointed out, the angle it came down off the bar suggested it'd gone in. That 'Blah blah blah m'lord' dross the Villa fans churn out goes right through me. And on the subject of their chants, a set of away fans with only one - bland - chant about their own team is very poor fare.
Ian P, Chorlton, Manchester, 3:00 PM 4/04/2011
4
I have also hated villa with a passion, particularly because they are the spawniest shower of sh*** with the RS being excluded. They have a fantastic stadium yet have lower attendances than us, and their players really, really are a bunch of horrible bastards. I sincerely hope they go down and the longest living top flight fixture is put on hold for a couple of years
Ed, WD, 2:23 PM 4/04/2011
3
For some reason I've always hated the Villa, I hate them more than the Red S. I can't quite put my finger on it, its just something about them. I've been born and raised in the Midlands, I just fell in love with Everton. My mother was a Villa fan because she is a Brummie, but my father is a Wolves fan because he is from the Black Country. (there is no love lost between Brummies and the Black Country) My mother always wanted me to be a Villa fan, but I just couldn't stomach it. It felt dirty and wrong. I could not have bared losing to the Villa. It would make me sick. Whats worse I'm dating a Villa fan and it would have been unbearable to lose this.
Matt, Stourbridge, 1:34 PM 4/04/2011
2
Glad somebody else has got onto this. I have hated Aston Villa with a passion for years now, and mostly because of their disgusting fans. Trolls of the lowest order, the lot of them!
Neil, Brisbane, 11:34 AM 4/04/2011
1
Absolutely right. For years Villa fans and players have been arrogant, when they have no reason to be. They are the best team in an area of the country that produces yoyo clubs. They attitude defies belief. Let's hope they get relegated.
Steve, Liverpool, 11:23 AM 4/04/2011
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