Mickey Blue Eyes...
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Mickey Blue Eyes


Some facts are beyond dispute: Beyoncé has a fat arse, Jeremy Clarkson has a peculiar oblong-shaped head to match his oblong thought processes, Coronation Street and East Enders are for idiots, some footy fans are out-and-out knob heads, and we almost always start a season badly. C'est la vie, c'est la guerre.


Other facts: at the time of writing we are rock-bottom in the league table and have played six league games and two League Cup games. That's normal match play time of seven hundred and twenty minutes, plus thirty minutes extra time, total seven hundred and fifty minutes. We have won one, drawn three and lost four. Mostly we have played good but punchless footy. Sadly, but predictably and tediously this has led to moronic attacks by some self-styled "Evertonians" on David Moyes. There have even been ludicrous squeals for him to go, most of them as hideous as unsuccessful plastic surgery on Joan Collins. I even heard one tawdry nincompoop in a pub whine that we haven't bought "a twenty goals a season striker"! You hear things like that and you realise all over again that some Noddies aren't beyond the pale, they're in the fucking pale. None of it surprises me, since I have no illusions whatever about the worst of football fans behaviour. In a minor way it chimes perfectly with our era and a recent Inspectorate of Constabulary report on the level of anti-social behaviour. For if some "adults" can behave so dementedly over a mere seven hundred and fifty minutes of football, why be surprised when some impressionable and stupid kids fill their time with persecuting anybody who looks remotely vulnerable or different? Ultimately it all stems from the same genetic inadequacy. Nor is there a demographic limit to it.


So can we attempt to get some common sense perspective on this? Wouldn't it be nice if the hysterics could make a rational attempt to grow up? But I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you. I have seen them in action too many times before. Once people suffer oxygen starvation to the brain there's little recovery. Neurotics brain-wash themselves into a semi-permanent, single-track state. Moreover, they tend to get absurdly resentful or even envious if you express a different view to theirs. Needless to say almost anything David Moyes says publicly can and does get twisted into shapes Ernõ Rubik or Rhino software would have difficulty with, which is why Moyesy would be well advised to save his words for the ears of his players alone or to utter platitudes we hear from other, less honest managers.


One footy cliché is, "It is a game of opinions." And, of course, so it is. No true democrat would want it any other way. History shows it is almost always a form of totalitarianism that burns books or tries to suppress alternative opinions. (There are exceptions to this - for instance democratic Germany properly suppresses expressions of Nazism, just as we properly suppress racism). Suppression is generally an articulation of apprehension or an attempt to impose status quo. It is too a kind of bullying even when well-intended. But unfortunately football has a recorded history of organised bullying of the very worst type, which is now also suppressed. Small wonder, then, some footy opinionators try verbalised intimidation when faced with disagreement. You see it most often in ale-houses when, to use an old Scousism, "Dee get ter d'nasty parter dee ale," and bullies start shouting at someone or butting unwanted into someone else's footy chat. At which point civilised conversation becomes impossible. When you stand up to them and pay them back in their own coin they are apt to try to force the issue instead of acknowledging a mere difference of opinion, or behaving with a modicum of common sense. It is always a satisfying moment when you see their jaw go as slack as their mental growth. Bullies are like that and should be treated accordingly. Also, smiling at them tends to madden their perfectly justified inferiority complex.


So after yet another lousy start there can be no surprise at the disgusting nature of some of the attacks spewed at David Moyes. Much of it is a result of a limited mindset unable to deal with disappointment; in which case it is also a form of moral cowardice and a cheap search for a scapegoat. Many of the offenders are simply incapable of dealing with the vicissitudes of football. Yet the poor beginning to our season is not such a surprise to rational fans. In last season's review I wrote this:


"So, in theory all we have to do is keep the current squad together and out of harm's way during the summer and preseason friendlies, and then next season should be an absolute stormer. Jack Rodwell will be signed up a mature year older, Marouane Fellaini will be back hungry and straining at the leash, Phil Jagielka will be fully recovered, Mikky Arteta will be strolling the greensward like the little genius he is, Diniyar Bilyaletdinov will be fully rested and determined, Ayegbeni Yakubu will be blowing gas bottles to re-prove himself, and Steven Pienaar will be signed up too and back to his devastating best. We might even have signed a new player or two. Just thinking about the midfield possibilities is enough to get you salivating. Couldn't be easier, right?


It's never that easy. Football fortunes do not run in straight lines and, thank goodness, footballers are not production line machines. Very often what should happen in footy simply doesn't, especially once money begins to talk or suddenly disappears, or contract signatures are required as opposed to press statements. You have only to look at the disaster across the park for that. Veteran fans too will remember what happened to the wonderful 1970 Championship team. There are many other examples for those with eyes to see and ears to hear. Best get ready for next season with that firmly in mind."


Naturally the Moyes-attackers hear no voice but their own, which is why their reaction is unsurprising. It almost never occurs to them that they built themselves up for a fall and can't face the consequences of their own manufactured emotions. But over the years I have seen and heard their kind of sado-masochistic, stick-up-the-arse muck ad nauseam. There's nothing new about it. Aston Villa fans have just chased Martin O'Neill away and I haven't the slightest doubt what will happen to 'Arry at Tottenham when they start to slip too. There are plenty of other examples and we all know it. What it gives the lie to is the claim that somehow Evertonians are "better" and "more knowledgeable" than other fans. In fact they are no different in this respect and just as liable to produce that kind of minority venom as anybody else. And of course it is made worse because we have had no success for the longest period in club history. That in turn is intensified by untalented media information clerks creating a phony "crisis" by cheap jeering at the club's present financial and playing status. Often the combination is too much for weak characters and they have to vent on somebody, whether it is the manager, players, owners or even admin staff. When it gets to that stage it is an altogether sickening and ugly spectacle just a couple of steps removed from a crazed Coliseum crowd marshalled by the Daily Mail or Rupert Murdoch and his schutzstaffel. At its very worst it is the Sun made flesh, the kind of behaviour we rightly loathe. And all for a game of football.


I could list here David Moyes' assets and weaknesses......but I'm not going to because I have already done that on more than one occasion. Sensible fans know these anyway. There can be no question his assets far outweigh his weaknesses. If some people can't achieve a reasonable understanding of the man after eight years of gradual improvement with relatively limited resources - a truly wonderful achievement in which he can take immense pride - then there's nothing I or you can say that will make the slightest difference to a left brain hemisphere made of stale ale pie and vomit.


You can reasonably gauge the depth of Moyesy's achievements when you compare Bill Kenwright's statement, "When he arrived this club was on its knees," with the present level of expectation. Like every other football manager from any era he has made mistakes along the way: show me anybody in any walk of life who hasn't, including the utter idiots now screaming for him to go, or claiming he is "too defensive" despite the evidence of their own eyes in games so far. But I haven't the slightest doubt he saved this club from entering a downward spiral from which it may never have escaped. In fact, given our precarious financial position - still marginally better than most - that could still happen. There are no guarantees for anyone. Nor do I doubt that given reasonable luck he could achieve a great deal more. If he had the kind of money available to Ancelotti, Ferguson and Mancini it is a safe bet he would produce a team of champions. But he hasn't, so that's that as far as we are concerned, and it will stay that way until we get a new stadium; unless Moyesy produces another unlikely giant rabbit from his management bag of tricks.


So, suppose he got fed up with all the crap and left, or got sacked on a wave of hysteria similar to the Aston Villa toxin. What then? Who in their right mind would take the job, never mind who we could actually afford to employ? Who would want to subject themselves to the crazy ramblings of people who can't even cope with an eight-game change in football fortunes? Nobody of any rank, that's for sure. We would be back at square one, probably much worse. We are unlikely to have the same kind of luck with the next appointment. My bet is the same crackpots and yoyos would immediately search for yet another scapegoat, probably the owners, the CEO or the ticket least until the next manager arrived. After all, to use my earlier analogy, they are just like those sad feral kids who need to attack somebody, anybody, for little more than gang-herd satisfaction. And, I repeat, for a game of football.


Yes, David Moyes and his players have to buck themselves up to start delivering as they did six months previously, and that right quickly. That's their job. Mostly, they do it very well, aberrations excluded. Most of their team play this season has been excellent pass-and-move without the final scoring touch. What they and the club don't need is the kind of infantile bollocks we hear from the worst of those who attach themselves to Everton to do nothing more than whinge and whine into their self-pitying, bullshit navels. Better still, we could gift the whingers a permanent residential scholarship in Mongolian moaning at the Novosibirsk State University in Siberia. Christ knows, it's about the only useful service the meffs could provide to Everton Football Club and football in general. While they're at it they could take the same kind of knob heads with them from Aston Villa and Tottenham. I'd even be tempted to pay their subscription to The Beano or Noddy Weekly. Hell, I might even pay their bus fare.



Comments about SIBERIA!
Okay Mickey - if bottom of the league doesn't get alarm bells ringing in Goodison Park, what will? If the worst start to the season in - how long? - doesn't make us worried, what will? If the meffs, and the supporters you've sent to Siberia aren't around to see our best squad in years lose to lower tier opposition, who will say that the Emperor is naked? Cause you won't, will you? Do the same things week in and week out and you get the same results. What do you recommend? Take that floppy fringe from out of your eyes and see what happens. Come out of the closet. Engage with your public,
Mike, Huyton, 8:08 PM 28/09/2010
I agree with that lad from Blackpool. Mickey Blue Eyes blows propaganda from his arse. Bitterness is there in every line of Mickey's article.
Howard, The Alehouse, 7:57 PM 28/09/2010
We haven't got many meffs but all redshite fans are meffs and all of them should have the piss ripped out of them together until they bleed and we laugh. My Dad has always said never trust a meff and he's dead right. Kick a meff a day I say.
Smegger, Nogsy, 11:17 AM 28/09/2010
Listen up fellas, I now live in Nottingham and being a fan of football as much as Everton, I have also been to Forest, County and Derby with friends from round here. One thing that has always struck is that the fans round this neck of the woods will get on the back of their own team within the first ten mintes of the game if things aren't going well. I always thought we were different. Yes, we'll be disappointed if things aren't going well at the start because we want to win so much. But rather than have a go at our own lads, lets stand shoulder to shoulder and voice our support and play our part as proud Blues and show the rest of the world what it means to be a supporter of the greatest football team in the world.
Toby, Nottingham, 9:01 AM 28/09/2010
In the games thus far we have had a lot of possession but too often (not always) there have been too few shots. This is possibly linked to a defensive mentality that leads to players being afraid to take risks. If present, this mentality is most likely instilled by the coaching team. Some players have been played in strange positions that they did not look comfortable in. I am not in a gang, a neurotic idiot, or an alcoholic beverage. Please, if you read this article, do not be seduced by it's accomplished style. This guy missed his vocation as a propaganda chief. Hence the unrestrained bitterness.
Naysayer, Liverpool, 11:53 PM 27/09/2010
That's what I call a funny full frontal assault Mick. You certainly have a way with words. So far I agree with most of what you say. Wouldn't like to be on the end of a disagreement with you though I must say.
Paul, Warrington, 10:33 PM 27/09/2010
One of the consolations of supporting Everton is that it takes so little thought to choose Liverpool or Manchester United that we actually have fewer of these feeble brained idiots among us than most of our neighbours. Some are so incensed by inanimate words on a screen that they have written as many as three vitriolic posts without further encouragement. I love the shouts of those who feel so personally "patronised" that they have to draw attention publically to their insecurity. I bet MBE is rubbing his hands together with glee at another netfall. Good work fella!
Blue Drew, the loo, 8:16 PM 27/09/2010
@Chris, Birkenhead Dork from Blackpool here. Just getting real - how about this for size. Everton are bottom of the league. It doesn't matter if you, MBE, Duncan Ferguson or Harry Catterick (RIP) get behind the team. Moyes doesn't know his best team and even though I rate him as a man and a manager - he has "managed" Everton to a low point. Is that real enough for now? MBE has insulted every working class Evertonian in his piece - his contempt for ticket paying (and therefore wages paying) Evertonians is evident in his invective. Don't be fooled by his native wit and vivid comparisons - he hates anyone who doesn't agree with him. The worst kind of bore. MOTD hates us too! And that is full of Redshite bores.
Phil, Blackpool, 7:08 PM 27/09/2010
Spot on MBE.
Alex, London, 6:53 PM 27/09/2010
Mick, Liverpool. Spot on. The biggest moaners missed the glory days of walter smith and co. DM is the best thing to happen to this club since Kendo. I welcome new fans, but learn your history. This is a blip in a more than sucsessful managementship.
Darlodarrel, Darlington, 5:39 PM 27/09/2010
Nicely put Mickey, we all have to get behind the team now and start pushing up the league, been there done that before!
Kev, Skegness, 2:00 PM 27/09/2010
Everyone stop saying their opinion *now* and that includes you Micky. :o)
Thought Police, Orwell Land, 12:31 PM 27/09/2010
I read this and thought it was spot on right especially 'Meffs'! The only thing MBE got wrong was the place to send them. The South Pole would be better!
Kyle, Widnes, 12:11 PM 27/09/2010
Mickey if you don't stop winding some people up you are going to give them a heart attack. Carry on.
John Graham, Wavertree, 11:45 AM 27/09/2010
"Wouldn't it be nice if the hysterics could make a rational attempt to grow up?" For someone who thinks its clever to write things like "most of them as hideous as unsuccessful plastic surgery on Joan Collins", calling people "meffs" (are you a 16 year prepubescent mong?) for having an opinion which differs to yours and that "Coronation Street and East Enders are for idiots", i really think you should take your own advice and make a rational attempt to grow the fuck up. You're not clever and you're not funny. you're just a meff like the rest of us
dave, croxteth, 11:43 AM 27/09/2010
Totally agree with Phil Blackpool, no doubts at all what DM has done for Everton, the man really has ressurected the club from the top to the bottom, backed of course by BK and the fans. But please do not get carried away with things, the limitations of the team are brought about by the coaching of the players and I feel that is our problem. Has nobody noticed that we only do well when we have horrendous injuries and limited numbers. 2 factors, backs to the wall and limited choices for the manager. When he has no selections to make, it works! Try this one DM... lets actually go out to win a match and not lose never know!!! As for our wonderful players sulking and lacking confidence, for the £50+K you each get a week, I would have eaten Fulham not just beaten them. Grow up and get on with it.
mike, l, 9:23 AM 27/09/2010
Yes, finally someone has used common sense and silenced the moaners. I find it ironic that the majority who want Moyes out only started watching Everton when they were doing well under his managment. Talk about ungrateful. Moyes will show em.
Mike, Liverpool, 9:03 AM 27/09/2010
Top rant! A lot of thought gone into this. Hope David Moyes and Bill K read it! COYB!
Evertonian, Sale, 11:19 PM 26/09/2010
IMWT but these 'moaners; as ye all call them, are entitled to their opinion. They pay to see their team, pay to wear their replica jersey and as far as I am concerned they can say it as they see it. When Moyes joined we were, in a word 'shit'. Now we expect so much. Is it a bad thing?? No. Is it frustrating?? Hell yeah but honestly, no one is going to do a better job until, and it's a massive until, BK finds investment. Is that going to happen in the near future?? Not a hope so everyone, we are who we are. We are not going to win the league, we may punch above our weight now and then but realistically, a top 6 finish will be a massive achievement and as for what is happening across the park, I couldn't give a rats fuck about scummy pool and am sick of us Evertonians talking about it. This club has came a long way since Moyes took over and until I go to Dubai, marry a Sheik's daughter, kill him off, inherit his wealth and buy Everton, we just gotta hang in there. We will come good so....COYB
Ciaran, Dublin, 10:04 PM 26/09/2010
Whilst I agree with most of this piece, I think it should be mentioned that most of the moaners have also made some pretty valid points about tactics and playing certain players in strange positions. Of course, this is no excuse for the hysterical vitriol and huge over-reaction, but there is some truth in what they are complaining about if not the way they do it. I think David Moyes is amongst the very best at finding players and improving them. To that end he has assembled a very good squad, but seems unsure what exactly to do with it now his hand is not so forced by injuries narrowing the options. Howard Kendall did much the same around 1983 and it was the prelude to fantastic football once he got it right. I just hope that Moyes is that close to success too.
Karl Masters, Chatham, Kent, 8:22 PM 26/09/2010
you wont use a 6 letter word when a 10 letter word is available. Does it do your ego the world of good to show us mere mortals all the big words you know. You are the most pretentious poster on any of the Everton sites, a complete clown. You wrote on a previous post of your experience in the desert of Oman. Is it too much to ask that you revisit the area, preferably draped in the national flag of our goalkeeper.
John, Everton, 7:43 PM 26/09/2010
To all the naysayers and doom-merchant dorks like Phil from B/pool. MBE says it how it is. Yes, things look bleak at the moment, but get real and get behind the lads instead of knocking them every chance you get. The next three games are far from walkovers, but as long as Lady Luck has finished her monthlies and we play to our potential they should yield us 7 if not 9 points.
Chris, Birkenhead, 7:39 PM 26/09/2010
Phil of Blackpool your a blessing. Just like magic man, the tangerine god that is holloway. Great words and well strung together. MBE your a man of words it seems but those well thought out words are not telling the truth. You missed your calling, because in the world of politics or cricket those words would spin you to millionaire status. When a manager of a premier league side cant motivate his side to beat a third division team theres something wrong. Goaless, winless and almost pointless. Everton FC. The best club, the best fans in the history of the game. But, the team, manager and directorship? Gone to the dogs. Anyway MBE thanks for caring and putting effort in. Executed, as ever, in your own inimatable style.
glen, winsford, 7:07 PM 26/09/2010
EFC always last on "Match of the Day"...that speaks volumes about Moyes style eh...!
Rich, Solihull, 6:12 PM 26/09/2010
I agree with this article. Too many moaners who don't know their arse from their elbow.
Phil M, Walton, 5:06 PM 26/09/2010
Spot on mbe anyone who slags Moyes off is not worth bothering with. All true blues know it will come good we all know its hard to be a blue. We never do anything the easy way coyb
mike, runcorn, 5:03 PM 26/09/2010
Please may I have permission from MBE to spout some "infantile bollocks"? I'd like him to patronise me some more. Please sir, can I have some more of your pearls of footballing wisdom? I don't think that I can think for myself about what I see at Goodison Park and assorted away grounds. Some Evertonians seem happy to let you, MBE, think for them. But some of us, well, we'll support the club, but not necessarily the tactics, team selection or the players. That kind of blind loyalty has to be earned. The table doesn't lie. Oh, sorry it does, if you say so, Sir.
Phil, Blackpool, 4:52 PM 26/09/2010
Randolph, East Sussex, 3:55 PM 26/09/2010
Nonsense, MBE. What we have is a crisis of confidence, cash and an overly cautious manager. We have some decent players, some who would struggle to get into a Premiership team if they weren't on our books and some absolute garbage. The vast majority of them were bought by Moyes and he has now had them for several years. We flatter ourselves that Pienaar, Arteta and Cahill could grace any team but no one puts in an offer, no one but agents discuss a move. No one wants them because they are merely decent players in a very average side. They look half decent amidst the dross. Moyes is a decent manager but is scared of flair and would prefer to "push on" with Neville (a great bloke but no Gerrard or Fabregas) et al because flair players garb games by the scruff of the neck and score from out of the blue. In my Evertonian lifetime I've seen Alan Ball, Duncan McKenzie, Kevin Sheedy and Andrei Kanchelskis do this - but you know what, Moyes wouldn't let them do this because they'd be playing defensive midfield or some other position that doesn't come naturally to them. Drop Distin, play Heitinga, swap Piennar for some one who cares in January, play Rodwell when fit, give Bily a chance to play more centrally and higher up, make Arteta practise corners clearing the first man and play with two strikers. Oh and while I'm at it - leave one man on the half way line for corners, a striker on their half way line when we defend a corner and stop three players standing over the ball before one of them kicks the ball at their wall and get the other two either wide or in the box. I could go on... but it's all so obvious that Moyes either can't see it or can and doesn't see beyond his PNE mind set.
Phil, Blackpool, 2:46 PM 26/09/2010
Fantastic Micky. I remember being at Goodison in 82' when Howie K's embryonic League Champions were getting a right old pasting from Liverpool."Fuck off Kendall, you are the worst manager we've ever had... fuck off now!" Shouted one demented loon from behind me. To save face, during our period of success in the 1980s the same dickhead gave Kendall stick, week in week out for his entire tenure as Everton boss. In fact, if I was to meet this guy in an alehouse tomorrow he'd still be insisting our downfall was due to 'HK pissing off to Spain'. Now the fuckers have got the internet to parade their idiocy. Leave em to it... it's what they enjoy. Though their reactions after someone stirs up their fragile egos by applying some common sense is a joy to behold - keep it up.
Kevin Sparke, Northumberland, 2:15 PM 26/09/2010
That's a very well written and intelligent article. The debabses are probably exactly the short-sighted narks you're talking about! Nothing to gripe about-nothing to live for! Negative pricks! Moyes will right the wrongs and once again prove himself the man for the job. As MBE asks: 'who else'?
Paul Newton, Bootle, 1:58 PM 26/09/2010
Top quality stuff as usual. Nothing but well structured opinion. Better than most football writing, and more than certain fans deserve to be honest. What would you rather? Someone with a memory longer than a month, who can explain themselves eloquently, or someone who after every stray pass shouts "You're sh*t! You don't deserve to wear the shirt! Moyes out!"? It's not about high horses, football needs this kind of writing to counter balance all the morons who go on radio phone-ins. Evertonians are lucky to have one of the best
Grongy, Salford, 1:18 PM 26/09/2010
Very well said in words I had to look up in the dictionary! Keep the faith in Moyes & Kenwright, we will come good!
Roy, Kirkby, Merseyside!, 1:16 PM 26/09/2010
They better get themselves sorted or theyll *all* be down the road. I can see it being another three games before we get a win at this rate. If Moyseie goes we'd probably end up with someone like Allardyce as manager and none us wants that.
Billy Bump, Huyton, 12:44 PM 26/09/2010
Are you from MARS
Pablo, Planet earth, 12:27 PM 26/09/2010
Brilliant rant Micky and oh so true!
Ste Phillips, Litherland, 12:23 PM 26/09/2010
Spot on as usual from MBE. This saves me a couple of quid not getting the Sunday papers
Joe Le Taxi, Valley, 12:23 PM 26/09/2010
"When he arrived this club was on its knees," Now it's bottom of the premier league!!! Just how many years does it take for Moyes to learn anything????? This nonsense is worthy of a trophy - the bin lid from my bin!! MBE talking shite, as usual
Jed Smith, Tuebrook, 11:47 AM 26/09/2010
Do you need a ladder to get down from that horse?
Paul, Portsmouth, 11:37 AM 26/09/2010
IMWT FTRS COYB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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